"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings"

"The Walrus and The Carpenter" by Lewis Carrol

I know, right? You see there's this great blogger I've read since I found her through Nate at www.CFHusband.com (whom you should read, by the way! beautiful story of love, hope and inspiration) almost a year ago. Her name is MckMama and she has been through the wringer this year keeping her gorgeous kiddo Stellan alive as well as being a mom to three other kids all under age 5. She has an amazing story and today she's giving away an HP Touchsmart PC. You should go over there and enterand while you're there read through her blog from the beginning. She has changed the way I look at my kids and my husband. Such an inspiration, go NOW!

It's time for the bi-annual posting. It appears that I haven't posted since May. I keep waiting for something to happen I guess. Anyway, here's a repeat of my yearly New Year's meme.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?( Read more... )

Feel free to skip questions if they are too personal.

I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine. You're on my list, so I want to know you better!

BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT THEN, REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS.
1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
2) What was your dream growing up?
3) What talent do you wish you had?
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
5) Favorite vegetable?
6) What was the last book you read?
7) What zodiac sign are you?
8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
9) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

This is a link I wish I didn't have to share, care pages. If you've never been to care pages before, it's a free blogging service provided by The Mayo Clinic that enables you to follow your friends or loved ones through their medical journeys. You have to register for an account, I believe it only takes an email and your name, then you can follow the care page of whomever you wish.

One of my uncles, Uncle Karl to me, my mom's brother-in-law, has been diagnosed with a very rare tumor called Myeloid Sarcoma. This tumor often accompanies leukemia so they ran some tests on his blood, bone marrow, and spinal fluid. His blood is clean but his spinal fluid and bone marrow contain leukemia cells. He was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. He was just admitted to the Mayo Clinic on January 15th. He is just starting his journey. It is a long journey at best. This is a very aggressive cancer that takes over normal cell development and makes a good portion of cells that are running through your blood, bones and spinal fluid cancerous. Metastasis is a very likely possibility.

He also sits on the lower prognosis side because he is 60 and his tumor has been growing for awhile. His tumor is 13 inches long, about 2 and half inches wide and 1 and a half inches thick. It is growing along his spine and aorta. Surgery at this point is not an option because of it's position and that it's leeching blood from his aorta. They are going to reevaluate after he completes chemotherapy.

If you could keep him in your thoughts. Pass the word to your friends, if you pray pass it along to your prayer groups. He needs everything he can get. Thank you all so much!

This is the time of year when life gets to me and I get down in the dumps. It happens every year right before Thanksgiving and goes through Mid-February. I know to expect it and so does everyone close to me. The unfortunate part is that no one else knows about it. This year I am in a job where I deal with people all the time. Sometimes on a very personal, emotional level. People ask if I'm okay. I'm fine of course, just have to make it through February.

The New Year always brings the most intense sadness to me. Three short years ago we were getting very bad news. Two years ago we were 900 miles away trying to hide from our feelings, then trying to figure out how to get back. Last year I had my wall shattered. I thought I was so good at hiding my feelings, but I was not. Transparent is what I was called. Okay, yes. I agree. This year was calm. We went to my mother-in-laws. We all barely made it to midnight and we were out the door at 12:10 am. Tears were shed as we were giving our good-bye hugs. She always holds on for longer when she's crying. I said to her that some year it will be "Happy" New Year again. I know that night was a restless one for her. But I always feel so trapped in my own emotions that I don't know how to be there for her.

A friend at work lost his father two days before Christmas. I went to the funeral, not because I had ever met his father, but because he and his brother have had such a profound impact on my life that I felt a deep need to be there for the family that raised these wonderful men. It was selfish of me really. I wanted to be there to figure out what made the difference. The closeness and bond of this family is mind-blowing. It was amazing to see. It was hard of course, as all funerals are. There were many tears and much hugging. In the end I believe, from hearing all the stories of what made this man great, that gratitude and humility are virtues I would like to embody. I've had a few mentors in this life. I'm sure I'll have more along the way. But sometimes it's the people that you never get to know that make the most difference.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? ( click for more )

People say in retail you'll know if you love it or hate it within the first week. After my first week I had sprained my ankle, had a bruise the size of Rhode Island on my knee, and I couldn't feel my feet because they were so swollen. But I literally couldn't wait until Monday so I could get back and show them what I had.

I love my Walmart, I do. My Store Manager always says if you cut him he bleeds blue because Walmart runs through his veins. I'm not quite there, but I can't see myself anywhere else. There's been no other place for me that lends itself to so many opportunities. I've been able to move into a human resources job with no college degree and no prior experience in just over a year of working there. That is crazy, where else can you do that?

The next stage is moving up in human resources. My partner in crime is leaving the office, but not Walmart, to pursue his college degree. I've applied for that position. I may not get it but it will be because there was a more qualified applicant not because I haven't worked there long enough or because I wasn't high enough on the totem pole of internal politics.

I'm happy in my job now. I clock in about 10 minutes early and I leave when my shift is over. If I need to stay a little longer, then I do. This is a stark contrast to the other positions I've held in my life. I was always looking to go home early and get extra days off. I was there on time if not 5 minutes late or so.

When I was younger and got the question about what I wanted to be when I grew up my stock answers were nurse, counselor, or teacher. Believe it or not I get to do all three on an almost daily basis. While the nurse part is not so enjoyable and not daily (thank God), I love the counseling and teaching part. People feel comfortable enough with me to come and sit down in front of me and talk. I get to teach the new associates and sometimes even the seasoned vets a thing or two not only from my experiences but from the experiences of others who have taught me. When you see that light bulb go off there's no other feeling like that in the world. It's addictive. My job is like crack, only with less shaking and more long term satisfaction.

When I get up in the morning and go to work I can honestly say to myself that today I'm going to have an impact on someone. There's a very smart lady leading HR at Walmart. Her name is Susan Oliver, she's the Senior Vice President of Human Resources, and at this years Shareholder's conference she made a very eloquent and touching speech that I grabbed on to and took to heart. There are a couple of quotes that made it for me, "Work is what you do. Purpose is why you do it." and "Once you commit to a dream, it opens you up to achieving things you never would have thought to be possible.". I live these words every day. I eat them for breakfast and I drink them with my Mt. Dew. She also said, "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.". I'm inspired by these words, I'm happy I read them. They mean a lot to me. They made me remember why I was alive.

I love retail. I love my store. I'm so glad I am in this life and so thankful for all this year has given me.

Fair warning. I'm going to talk about politics. My views of course. I'm putting in a cut so you don't have to read it if you don't want to. Also because I tend to get long-winded.

I've been ( inspired )

My step-dad was in a motorcycle accident this morning. He is alert and his brain functions are intact. He has broken his wrist in several places. He also has several ribs broken on his right side as well as a large laceration on his right shoulder. The cut was too large to be sutured, apparently there was enough flesh missing that sutures were not an option, they have packed the wound and are waiting for swelling to go down to evaluate options. His right knee apparently was twisted or sprained or dislocated, but was in place when he arrived at the hospital, swelling has to dissipate for that injury to be evaluated as well. Thoughts and prayers are appreciated, my mom is driving to Iowa tomorrow to be with him. He was just outside Des Moines on I-35 on his way home after a motorcycle convention in Milwaukee.

Sometimes when God keeps slamming doors in your face and asks you to look behind you before you move ahead, you have to. J and I are going to counseling to sort through our problems and make resolutions. Hopefully someday he can begin to forgive me and maybe someday I'll be able to forgive myself. In the meantime I'm going to start talking less here and start talking more to him because that is an issue.

I take pictures with my fancy cheap new ( webcam )

This song is my credo at the moment. It just fits. Heartbreak is a daily feeling at the moment. I'm trying to be strong though. I know that in the end what matters is that I'm happy and that my kids are taken care of. I have to remind myself daily that I'm thankful for what has happened and what is happening to me.



(I know the video is cheesy, just listen to the song with your eyes closed or something.) I think I'm taking a break from this life on the internet for awhile. I feel like I'm in a popularity contest against my ex. That kills me on the inside.

( lyrics )

The rules are easy; just post 10 things (in random order) that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this meme. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.

1. Getting a promotion at work.
2. Spending actual quality time with my kids.
3. Looking at the spring plants that are coming in.
4. Spending time with a good friend at work.
5. Cici's pizza opening a mere 3 miles from my house.
6. Paying off my title loan.
7. Getting my dishes done, finally.
8. Having my bed and my remote all to myself.
9. Going out to lunch with my family.
10. Hearing Keagen spell words for Taylor.

I'm taking this meme and just doing it for me. This has been one of the toughest weeks that I've had in a while. Being able to reflect on this week in terms of happiness was good for me. Thanks Kathryn.

Neat things happened while I was away from the live journal. Like life happened. I've been spending lots of time with my boys reconnecting and figuring out how to make our lives work. It's been an adventure.

I think I've decided to get Keagen medication for his ADHD. It has gotten to the point that he can't even sit to cuddle. He can sit for maybe 2 minutes and he's jittery and moving around for those 2 minutes. It is time I believe. Life is full of hard decisions hopefully this is the best one.

I feel like I have to censor myself here from prying eyes. Even though prying eyes don't have terribly good internet access and probably could care less what I'm saying about them. It's kind of uncomfortable. But I know people not on live journal read this, so I'm hesitant to put things to friend's only. If only you could split posts right down the middle with half of the text friend's only and half public. I guess I'll have to get off my lazy chair and just start making double posts or something.

So yeah, life at it's best. Things are good, better than they have been in a long long time. I'm enjoying life. It feels good.

Tonight was the annual 2nd grade holiday program at the local elementary school. Guess who has her a second grader? Enjoy the following montage if you will of cute, albeit fuzzy, ( pictures. )

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2007. Post the first line/sentence of it in your journal, and that's your "Year in Review".

January-June:*crickets chirping*

July:I'm back into the 21st century the computer and internet have finally converged and allowed me to post.

August:I've been working for a major corporation now for about 3 months and I'm tired of remodeling this damn store.

September:I worked today, did you?

October:I'm here at the new house with my fresh paint and fresh carpeting.

November:It's official I have an ADHD child.

December:I think I mentioned that boss ROCKS!.

There's my "Year in Review". Here's hoping to more interesting sentences next year.*clink clink*