?

Log in

"The time has come" the walrus said,

"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings"

"The Walrus and The Carpenter" by Lewis Carrol

It's my life.

20082009, 2010,

Guess what kids! Time for my yearly post/meme!!! YAY!!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Being content with being alone.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Don't make them. It's good to have goals all the time, not just for the New Year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A few work people.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not terribly close. A much beloved long time co-worker of mine passed away very unexpectedly. It was quite sad.

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
The ability to love and be loved in return.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April17th. I met two wonderful men who will forever be in my heart and memories.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Giving up on myself.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had the lovely experience of throwing my back out. OUCH!!!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmmmm, it's been a rough year. I think the best thing I bought was for my hetero life partner, the Robin to my Batman, the best partner in crime a girl could ask for Ms. Lacey May "Cookies" Guerrero (names may be slightly exaggerated to protect the "innocent"). I bought her a beautiful key to my heart to wear around her neck as a symbol of my love for all that she is and will be in this life. Love that girl like a fat kid loves cake. For sure!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom! She has been through so much this year with an injured husband and keeping me afloat. What a year! I love her like the sun shines, intensely and blindingly.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Blah, mine. Ugh.

14. Where did most of your money go?
food, gas, child support, booze

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Not a whole lot of excitement this year. Um, getting off of overnights and into my comfort zone of an evening shift. That was exciting. OH OH!!!! OHHHHH!!!! Manager Timmy coming back to the store. He's such an inspiration to me, I wrote about him here. He picks me up off the floor, dusts me off and reminds me that I'm still alive if I want to be.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Faithfully" by Journey

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder er, more sad? one of those.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter
iii. richer or poorer? so very much Poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Being genuine

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Hating life

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Currently up in the air. I'm assuming with my family of blood or otherwise.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I did. I have around me such an amazing outpouring of love and grace I hardly know what to do with it sometimes. This year has truly shown me what an amazing gift true honest to goodness authentic friendship can be. It has been mind-blowing. I would not, in any way shape or form, have made it through this year without the support of my saint of a mother and the friends that were truly there for me many a night at 3am when I couldn't figure out how to breathe.

23. How many one-night stands?
Many more than is advisable to any self-respecting human being. Good Jesus what was I on?

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Since I was asleep the first part of the year and working the second part of the year when decent, non-syndicated TV is on I have NO IDEA!!! Uh, hmmmmm, ummm...so Dancing with the Stars is pretty great huh? I watch it three weeks late on Hulu when I get the energy to watch it without sleeping through it. I win at watching TV! YES!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate's a worthless feeling.

26. What was the best book you read?
Goodness. I read so many books this year. Turns out when you live alone you have a lot of time, to read and things. While avoiding things like dishes and laundry. Wrongful Death:The AIDS Trial by Stephen Davis was an amazing read. I think it took me 2 days to finish it. I COULD NOT put it down.  It is a fictional courtroom drama based on factual reports and studies regarding the cause and treatment of AIDS. Crazy good read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Soul Rebel and the Beast. What a good show they put on. Local band with amazing talent and energy. 

28. What did you want and get?
CLOTHES! And an apartment all to myself YAY!!!

29. What did you want and not get?
Sanity, anyone seen it? No? I know it's around here somewhere...

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Insidious. I love being jump scared and I had great company to watch it with.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ohhhh goodness did I have a birthday this year! I turned 31. Went to see amazing-kind-patient friend, Pat (heart of gold, that one), and his band, Meltdown, play in bum fuck Egypt, I mean Rossville, Ks. Cute little town and they rocked it hard that night. Had a great time afterwards with lots of weird moments and hilarity ensued. AWESOME NIGHT!!! Made some great new friends and got more numbers than should be legal for a girl sitting at Denny's with two gamer dudes. Woke up in the bed of the single most amazing stranger I've ever met. He gets more strange every time I talk to him! Love him to death though.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more
satisfying?
Being comfortable in my skin.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Glitter!

34. What kept you sane?
No, didn't happen. I have to give credit to the most amazing friends ever (you know who you are, you sexy devils *wink wink*) for hanging with me. I'm a pain in the ass. Saints, I tell you, saints!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I cannot think of a soul. I've been staring at this question for 5 minutes. Someone tell me who I've drooled over this year! Anyone?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The economy blowing. It's been rough.

37. Who did you miss?
The only person I've ever let my walls down for. I miss him so bad, it hurts.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I have met no less than 9 amazing, incredible, fabulous, beautiful, sexy people this year that have all had a profound impact on me and for whom I will be forever indebted to, forever and ever amen. They are all the best! Listed here in no particular order (along with their fb pages, if possible) other than the order my brain can think of them:
Pat (Heart of gold, ladies! For real though, you need this one!),
John (Best neighbor ever! Consistent supplier of delicious Bourbon and wonderful insight into the male mind. Also ladies! Holy shit, dimples!! Beautiful person through and through.)
Raz (There are no words, just emotion. Lifesaver, spiritual adviser. Holds the key to the future. She will change the world and I am loving every minute of this journey with her.)
What's that guy's name again, oh yeah! Josh (Amazing, honest, true person. What a personality!)
Chris R (The most loving person I never let know the real me. I miss his smile and voice everyday.)
Chris V (Home sweet home. Wish I could live in his brain. It's so cozy and warm.)
Caleb (The only person I've ever actually enjoyed watching football with. That says something.)
Lenny (Keeper of all things Netflix. Always there.)
Lacey (The bestest buddy evers! Without her, I would smile at work much much much less. Amazing soul. We are infinitely attached.)
Of course much love to my loyal friends who have stuck with me throughout the years. Connie has been amazing, as always. We can go without talking for months or years and pick right back up where we left off! I love you all so so much. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. I'm trying!


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Be aware of your actions, there will be an opposite and equal reaction. That Newton fellow had something.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm gonna need half the song this year!
Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Bye, bye, baby it's been sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
Please don't take it so badly.
'Cause lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stay here with you, girl,
things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
and this bird you cannot change.

If you could only see me as I see you.

Since I post oh so often these days, it's been nearly a year! Here's a repeat of my yearly New Year's meme. (here's last year's and the year before)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Took the bull by the horns and had the confidence to get myself a management position.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Don't make them. It's good to have goals all the time, not just for the New Year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A few work people.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. The husband has tried a couple of times though.

5. What countries did you visit?
None

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More than one month where someone in my immediate family group isn't in the hospital, please!

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 18th, here's why.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Lack of patience with the people that live with me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
It's been a rough year for everyone this year. I'm dealing with tendinitis in my biceps tendon. I'm currently in physical therapy for this and it's making work just great!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Samsung Omnia II from Verizon. I love love love this phone!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Taylor Dean gets the kudos this year! His teacher told us at his conference that if she could have a son he would be the one she wanted! She said he's so patient and kind she just wishes she could clone him. That's my boy!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I can't think of anyone this year. Weird.

14. Where did most of your money go?
rent, food, gas

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Sasha and Adie coming to live with us from Virginia. They had such an awful horrible time getting medical treatment there in the woods. I'm so thankful they made it and so thankful and grateful for all the help they've been able to give me in this rough year.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
"Just The Way You Are" Bruno Mars

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner!
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Relaxing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
I did.

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I'm changing this year GASP! GLEE!!!!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate's a worthless feeling.

26. What was the best book you read?
Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. It has an ending that I really really didn't expect. That's hard to get for me.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Katy Perry

28. What did you want and get?
A new phone

29. What did you want and not get?
Another car

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Eat Pray Love

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a pizza party at work, had enchiladas and cake at work, had mas tequila, not at work. I turned 30 this year!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more
satisfying?
Not having to learn the vocabulary that goes with cholesterol.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Loook! Eye Makeup!

34. What kept you sane?
Music and fantastical friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Justin Timberlake.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Health Care, even though it shouldn't be a political issue.

37. Who did you miss?
My mom

38. Who was the best new person you met?
It's a tie between Jordan and Maria.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
CYA = Cover Your Ass.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

From Teenage Dream by Katy Perry:

"I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece, I'm complete."

From You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban:

"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be."

Two posts in a week, WHAT?

I know, right? You see there's this great blogger I've read since I found her through Nate at www.CFHusband.com (whom you should read, by the way! beautiful story of love, hope and inspiration) almost a year ago. Her name is MckMama and she has been through the wringer this year keeping her gorgeous kiddo Stellan alive as well as being a mom to three other kids all under age 5. She has an amazing story and today she's giving away an HP Touchsmart PC. You should go over there and enterand while you're there read through her blog from the beginning. She has changed the way I look at my kids and my husband. Such an inspiration, go NOW!

2009 meme

It's time for the bi-annual posting. It appears that I haven't posted since May. I keep waiting for something to happen I guess. Anyway, here's a repeat of my yearly New Year's meme.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?Read more...Collapse )

Stolen from quilterbear

Feel free to skip questions if they are too personal.

I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine. You're on my list, so I want to know you better!

BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT THEN, REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS.
1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
2) What was your dream growing up?
3) What talent do you wish you had?
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
5) Favorite vegetable?
6) What was the last book you read?
7) What zodiac sign are you?
8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
9) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Thanks to my mom...



Thanks mom for making tough choices because you were making a better future for both of us.
More thanks to my mom...Collapse )
This is a link I wish I didn't have to share, care pages. If you've never been to care pages before, it's a free blogging service provided by The Mayo Clinic that enables you to follow your friends or loved ones through their medical journeys. You have to register for an account, I believe it only takes an email and your name, then you can follow the care page of whomever you wish.

One of my uncles, Uncle Karl to me, my mom's brother-in-law, has been diagnosed with a very rare tumor called Myeloid Sarcoma. This tumor often accompanies leukemia so they ran some tests on his blood, bone marrow, and spinal fluid. His blood is clean but his spinal fluid and bone marrow contain leukemia cells. He was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. He was just admitted to the Mayo Clinic on January 15th. He is just starting his journey. It is a long journey at best. This is a very aggressive cancer that takes over normal cell development and makes a good portion of cells that are running through your blood, bones and spinal fluid cancerous. Metastasis is a very likely possibility.

He also sits on the lower prognosis side because he is 60 and his tumor has been growing for awhile. His tumor is 13 inches long, about 2 and half inches wide and 1 and a half inches thick. It is growing along his spine and aorta. Surgery at this point is not an option because of it's position and that it's leeching blood from his aorta. They are going to reevaluate after he completes chemotherapy.

If you could keep him in your thoughts. Pass the word to your friends, if you pray pass it along to your prayer groups. He needs everything he can get. Thank you all so much!

Kinda blah.

This is the time of year when life gets to me and I get down in the dumps. It happens every year right before Thanksgiving and goes through Mid-February. I know to expect it and so does everyone close to me. The unfortunate part is that no one else knows about it. This year I am in a job where I deal with people all the time. Sometimes on a very personal, emotional level. People ask if I'm okay. I'm fine of course, just have to make it through February.

The New Year always brings the most intense sadness to me. Three short years ago we were getting very bad news. Two years ago we were 900 miles away trying to hide from our feelings, then trying to figure out how to get back. Last year I had my wall shattered. I thought I was so good at hiding my feelings, but I was not. Transparent is what I was called. Okay, yes. I agree. This year was calm. We went to my mother-in-laws. We all barely made it to midnight and we were out the door at 12:10 am. Tears were shed as we were giving our good-bye hugs. She always holds on for longer when she's crying. I said to her that some year it will be "Happy" New Year again. I know that night was a restless one for her. But I always feel so trapped in my own emotions that I don't know how to be there for her.

A friend at work lost his father two days before Christmas. I went to the funeral, not because I had ever met his father, but because he and his brother have had such a profound impact on my life that I felt a deep need to be there for the family that raised these wonderful men. It was selfish of me really. I wanted to be there to figure out what made the difference. The closeness and bond of this family is mind-blowing. It was amazing to see. It was hard of course, as all funerals are. There were many tears and much hugging. In the end I believe, from hearing all the stories of what made this man great, that gratitude and humility are virtues I would like to embody. I've had a few mentors in this life. I'm sure I'll have more along the way. But sometimes it's the people that you never get to know that make the most difference.

2008 meme

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? click for moreCollapse )